A loving relationship with yourself
"The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely"
— Carl Jung
How would it be to see ourselves through the eyes of love?
Like a mother looking at her child on a beautiful morning?
Or the way you look at someone you've just fallen in love with?
As human beings, many of us live behind a layer of shame that distorts the way we see ourselves and others. At its core is the belief that we are somehow not enough exactly as we are - with all of our beautiful and not-so-beautiful parts. A wrinkle here, a flaw there. Coloured by rejection: something we learn early and carry with us for years.
We're all deeply imperfect, and at the same time very beautiful, each of us with our own unique qualities. There has never been anyone exactly like you, and there never will be again. Isn't it essential, then, that we also learn to love ourselves somewhere along the way?
Perhaps the idea of loving yourself sounds a little far-fetched. But isn't the relationship we have with ourselves the foundation of our entire life - and of every other relationship we have? Wouldn't it make life more enjoyable?
And how do we do that, then?
If I use myself as an example, there are parts of me that believe I'm not enough. They see me through the eyes of shame and sometimes say things like: "You don't have a conventional life - no long-term partner, no children. You have ugly shadow sides. You're getting older." In those moments, it can feel very real - as if I'm simply not good enough. But I know it's an illusion. It's a distorted lens through which I see myself when I’m having a difficult time. Maybe you can relate to this in your own way and with your own stories.
Developing a loving relationship with yourself is a process. It begins with a choice - one you make over and over again. It doesn't mean trying to erase the parts of ourselves we'd rather not have. It's about inclusion: allowing every part of ourselves to be here and meeting it with presence, including the inner critic and the parts we'd rather not identify with - for example our insecurity, our neurotic tendencies, or our arrogance. And then consciously choosing how we want to respond, allowing those parts to soften over time.
It is about learning to stand gently beside yourself - especially when you are struggling and feel vulnerable or angry. About not having to be perfect. About having the courage to ask for support in this life that can sometimes be incredibly challenging. It is inner work: gently allowing the old conditioned layers of shame and the underlying pain to settle, so that we can begin to feel that we are okay, exactly as we are.
Maybe we can try to stop making ourselves our own enemy, and instead become a dear friend to ourselves. Life becomes so much richer when we learn to be gentle with ourselves, while also taking on loving responsibility.
After all, we are the one person who will be with us for our entire life, every moment along the way.
July 2026
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