Discovery - my soul, four years prior to the dark night

My feet touch the ground. Above me is infinite space. I see only translucent blue with grey and white, and the evening sun shining through. Behind lies another world. An infinitely unknown terrain of light, darkness, and space. I feel the space. My body seems to want to float toward that infinity, while my feet are rooted to the ground. The wind brushes across my face, bringing coolness and clarity, as the last warmth of the sun gently holds me. I breathe deeply. I feel the cool air spreading through my body, seeming to dissolve into a certain kind of relief.

Perhaps a long life is ahead of me. Are the moments of that possible life waiting for my arrival, or am I waiting for the arrival of those moments – moments whose unfolding I might influence myself?
…………………………………..

I look at the window. It is growing pitch dark. I see black trees and know that they are green. I still see some grey clouds and a little blue in the sky, but everything seems to slowly become one in the darkness of the night.

I see myself in the window. Serious and sad, with anxious eyes. I see myself thinking about what I will write. Despite the sticky threads that seem to fill the space of my soul, I can see myself - or a shadow of myself. My vision is not sharp, but I know that I am that shadow. I hear myself, very softly but clearly. I know I need to come closer to see it clearly.

I also know it will be a difficult road. An ascending path of crystal-clear honesty and cold loneliness. I hope I will be brave and strong enough to climb that steep path, and not choose the easy, gentle descent. Can I choose? I am used to laziness and comfort.

I hope for a clear view - no clouds, no mountains, no trees. A high point with a view of the road that winds its way toward the depths. I hope I remain aware of the possibility of freedom.

July 2008